losing my edge

I've continued to think a bit recently about the nature of youth. I guess we all hit a point where we realise we're not there any more. There are Young People + then there's Me. At some level I've felt middle-aged for most of my life, so it hasn't really come at me with teeth + fangs. But I have a memory of my mate Mat which kinda crystallised it for me.

It was a couple of years ago + I was on a bus, headed down King Street with Mat + his glamorous missus, Sarah. It's a great trip when it's occasional + not a day-to-day battle. You're at a perfect vantage point for people watching. All the freaks, geeks + hot young things parade in front of you, as the ribbon of traffic slowly unfurls into the city. The three of us were headed out on the town + our spirits were high. Then Mat throws in this fabulous old man line... "Jeez, there's a lot of Young People on King Street these days". It was poetry on so many levels. First there was the Poetry Of Mat, who is one of the most genuine, down-to-earth people you'll ever come across. There's no pretence or bullshit with Mat, + I reckon one day he'll be a champion maker of Dad Jokes. The line popped out without a hint of irony or self-consciousness. There was also something poetic about us being on the inside looking out. Because he was spot on. A couple of years earlier we had been the Young People on King Street, but suddenly, blindingly, we weren't anymore.

This tiny moment comes back to me again + again when I consider the irony of ageing. When you're young you have no concept that you'll ever be anything else. I mean, you can consider it, theorise about it, make grand statements about where you'll be when you're 25, 30, 50. (I thought I'd have kids by the time I was 20 for feck's sake.) But there's no REAL understanding of the fact that one day in the really-rapidly-approaching-future you'll be sprouting hairs from your nipples + waiting for the next pregnancy/wedding/mortgage to be announced. As far as irony goes, it's a particularly cruel one: Young People think they're the first + only; Old People understand that everyone has a moment of first + only, + that it can never be more than fleeting; but they can't tell Young People cos they'd never believe it. You can't be at the forefront forever. (And let's face it - few are there for more than five minutes at best.)

There's a brilliant LCD Soundsystem song called 'I'm Losing My Edge'. It's so spot on, I can't resist torturing you with more lyrics.

I'm losing my edge.
I can hear the footsteps every night on the decks.
But I was there.
I was there in 1974 at the first Suicide practices in a loft in New York City.
I was working on the organ sounds with much patience.
I was there when Captain Beefheart started up his first band.
I told him, "Don't do it that way. You'll never make a dime."

I was there.
I was the first guy playing Daft Punk to the rock kids.
I played it at CBGB's.
Everybody thought I was crazy.
We all know.
I was there.

I was there.
I've never been wrong.
I used to work in the record store.
I had everything before anyone.
I was there in the Paradise Garage DJ booth with Larry Levan.
I was there in Jamaica during the great sound clashes.
I woke up naked on the beach in Ibiza in 1988.

But I'm losing my edge to better-looking people with better ideas and more talent.
And they're actually really, really nice.

You mighta had the edge. You might want to hang on to the edge. But no one has the edge for ever. And the kids are ALWAYS coming up from behind. Dems da breaks.

PS: The full lyrics are here, if anyone's nerdy enough to care. And James Murphy talks a bit about where the song comes from here.