27 May 2008

for weeze

when we go to melbourne
we can host opulent dinner parties for new + old friends

21 May 2008

powerful owls

The very talented Miss Birdsworth made this last week to cheer me up. It worked! It's a very special portrait of me, Lizzie + Nicole finding our inner powerful owls at Tumba in February. (No luck with the real thing but there will be more torchlight walks + conversations with brumbies next year I'm sure!)

Thanks Elizabeth - you're a sweetheart!

19 May 2008

it's in the songs

Phew! I've survived a rocky weekend. Don't get me wrong... Chess was a blast, the Hope Street Markets were inspiring, I loved lunch at Two Good Eggs, King Street was fun, + the company was top-notch. (Thank you everyone.) But I was mildly messy due to ongoing panic over my move + two insomniac nights. Yesterday I hit a wall, picked a fight, had a cry, lost it somewhat. I was pulled back from the brink by The Dude, Holley's burritos + some (more) chocolate. It felt awfully close for a second there though.

I've noticed that lots of peeps have been feeling awfully close... or at the very least mildly messy. I think it's just one of those patches where we have to hold, seek out all available opportunities for hugs, + keep muttering this too will pass to ourselves. Cos of course it will pass!

This morning the radio kept speaking to me as I pondered my approach to this fresh new week.

First the slap...
I don't know why (she's always complaining)
A roll of the dice (she's always complaining)
A twist of the knife (she's always complaining)
Trouble + strife (she's always complaining)
What can I say (she's always complaining)
(The Skybombers)

Then the sympathy...
I guess I'll let it slide by
I wanna take it slowly honey
I'm feeling like a fake
Every move I make
And I don't know why
The world is feeling
Like it's passing me by
I'm fixing to lose it
And I don't know why
(Ben Kweller)

And finally the encouragement...
Sometimes when we fall
We just land in the right place
Cos we're magnetic
And we land in the right place

Bring on that Right Place! I'm ready!

14 May 2008

what do i do when lightening strikes me?

Elton had it all wrong when he said that "sorry" seems to be the hardest word. (We've all seen the monumentally positive power of sorry in recent months, after all.) Goodbye is waaaaaay harder. There are good goodbyes + bad goodbyes but, for old softy Claire here, there are rarely easy goodbyes. Predictably - given that there's only four weeks now til my move - my goodbye moments are starting to hit a little harder + faster. I'm feeling it, dammit.

The first big one kicked in the day that I resigned. Carolyn got teary over a celebratory drink that afternoon + of course that set me off. She has since been banned from displaying emotion until at least the farewell party.

I had a weird goodbye moment when I went arse-over-teakettle on the back step + did aforementioned damage to back bottom left rib. The fact that I had just quit my job hit me acutely as I lay winded in the rain, contemplating severe spinal damage. Funny that. The fact that I am about to quit the best ever sharehouse hit me acutely when Holley, Sal + Ethan turned up at the hospital a couple of hours later with love in their hearts + chocolate in their hands . See... good and bad.

Last week I sifted through a large grab-bag of personal emails + plunged head-long into goodbye moments. The weird thing about some of those goodbyes was that they had nothing to do with my move. Relationships change + shift regardless of whether I stay or go (now). I have a strong tendency to hold on but not everyone lets me. There will always be the Ev's of this world who refuse to be held. As my ma says - in one of her very rare pieces of wisdom - there are friends for a reason, friends for a season + friends for life. Last week I farewelled some of those seasonal friends + shed a tear for good times past. It was hard not to when stumbling across the sparkling email repartee of Bez + Mr T. Example: the 5-day a week centrifuge is spinning out of control. today, a mere day, is just one little spokey dokey clinking with joy. Ah Thorny, how I loved you + how I release you!

On the weekend I started packing in earnest. I needed to get some momentum up in order to feel like I'm on top of things, but momentum is a double-edged sword. With it comes the acceleration of change - good and bad. Monsieur Change does not discriminate between the two. I packed up my books - good. I swaddled my pretty glassware - good. I pulled all the posters down off the walls - bad. I stumbled across a box of love letters from he-who-shall-not-be-named - very bad.

I don't know what the moral of this story is... + my small handful of loyal readers know that I do usually lean towards a moral. I guess it's just that dems da breaks. Life is full of the good + the bad, the lightening strikes + the snuffed out candles, the goodbyes + the au revoirs. And there's nothing we can do to change that... regardless of whether we stay or go (now).

05 May 2008

livin + lovin

I had the gorgeous gentle weekend that I needed. Spent Saturday in a creative headspace playing with party plans + invitations. (One of my all-time favourite activities... almost as good as celebrating itself!) I had a ball at the Oxfam trivia fundraiser that night + then spent most of Sunday chilling with Annie, Genevieve + Olive up at the treehouse. The girls have an incredibly warm home, filled with treasures + music + love. And of course they always turn out an amazing feast + have to roll me down their million steps to send me home again.

At some point in the afternoon we got talking about love + marriage + maybe even the baby carriage. Not exactly an unusual topic of conversation, but it was funny cos it tapped straight into a current theme. I love it when ideas/musings/conversations converge + pop out into the open at around the same time. The current ideas/musings/conversations relate to romance + expressions of romantic love. It's an enormous topic + not something I can do much for in one little post... but please humour me while I ramble on for a bit.

First, let me say that romance is a funny theme for a gal who is about as far away from 'in love' as she's ever been. For the first time in living memory I'm alone and comfortable with that. Don't get me wrong: I'm not claiming that I'll be alone +/or comfortable forever. Me + Monsieur Change know each other pretty well by now + I'm not cocky enough to suggest that any state is forever. But for now I'm reveling in this unfamiliar state of comfortable-ness. Single life no longer freaks me out, being childless doesn't regularly send me into panic, + I'm not even that concerned about my nooky drought. I can suddenly live without. What I can't live without is love + friendship + romance. And I think the really stunning realisation of the last six months is that I don't need a partner for that. I live my life surrounded by love. I have the most gorgeous group of friends. I am incredibly lucky.

What does romance have to do with anything? Well that's the stunning bit. I've always been a romantic + I've always aimed that squarely at the love or lust-interest in my life; seeking romance in romantic love + wondering why the results are often disappointing. But the nature of romance is suddenly as clear as fresh new nail polish. It has nothing to do with flashy weddings, expensive gifts or tables for two at opulent restaurant. It has everything to do with imagination, creativity + care.

Going by the dictionary, romance is...
--characterised by imagination and passion
--readily influenced by the imagination
--appealing to the imagination and feelings
--imaginary; purely ideal
--fantastic, extravagant, quixotic; going beyond what is customary or practical

Going by me, romance is...
--a little note from Holley on the kitchen bench
--Weeze on the other end of the phone when I need a cry
--Mewi on the other end of the phone when she needs a cry
--Toni calling me girl
--a take-home pack of Emma's carrot cake
--a shirt that Annie tailor-made for me
--Genevieve's brownies
--Smokey leaving something crazy on my desk
--Carolyn knowing when something's wrong without having to ask
--a hug from Jen or Simon or Steve
--a cuddle with any of the kids
--being jumped on by Nicky
--a homemade necklace in my colours from Bella
--Bec being forever interested in my creative work
--Celeste telling me she loved my visit
--Ethan offering to check my oil before I go away
--Judy sending me an article on crossing the Nullarbor
--coffee with Kristy
--a cheeky email from Sarah or Bez
--a phone date with Adi
--Nats giving it to me straight
--Scott saying something outrageous
--a compliment from Sal
--Shady's enthusiasm
--Jaci's exquisite gift-wrapping
--Birdsworth's comments
--a bunch of scarlet flowers from Amy's garden

Thank you all (+ more) for bringing romance into my life!

02 May 2008

for weeze

I somehow managed to lose the back of this one so Weeze might have to fill in the blanks. I think it went something along the lines of...

when we go to melbourne
we can wear wild outfits
+ you know I will!

Pop culture aficiandos may recognise it as Shirley Manson from Garbage. Please don't hold that against me. Crap band. Cool outfit.

it's in the stars

Gemini: Sometimes it's necessary to take a cold hard look at your life + see where there are things that simply do not belong there anymore. This is the right time in your life to do this, shed some dross from your life + lighten the load.