31 August 2006
I've been blue... moo moo, I have been blue. A lazy non-specific melancholia that stems from getting too lost up my own ass. When I contemplate writing/talking/groaning about it I fear dropping dead at my own boringness. There are people in the world with real problems, I know. Serious, unthinkable problems - at a global level. And normal, actual problems - at a local level. A work friend is heart-broken + my general malaise shames me when I'm around her. Her pain is so real, so palpable, + there is absolutely nothing that can be done about it beyond sleeping pills and time. I feel acute empathy for that experience, + relief that I am no longer residing there. And yet I am residing here, head firmly up ass. I'm a bit lonely... so what!? I have a few gripes about the state of things... who really cares!? I can't even muster up a single care.
I've been lost... in myself + that is never the place to be. I read an article on good mental health this week. It suggested an ABC approach to maintaining a sound head: A - being active physically + mentally; B - belonging + being connected to your community; + C - committing to a cause or activity outside of youreslf. No mention of ass.
And I've been found... because there are always the regular glimmers of sunshine in my life which are impossible to paint blue. The paint won't stick, no matter how hard I throw it.
--I wore pink pants today (trousers, not undies) + that was fun. I've never worn pink pants before. It felt somehow optimistic + risque. Also somehow like I was at work in my jammies, but there you go. I matched them with a black dress and a beautiful Oroton silk scarf that I found at the oppie for 50c. Hooray for oppie treasures!
--I've been walking to work (mostly) and taking time to smell the freesias. Freesias and freshly mown grass... is there anything that says suburban springtime more loudly or convincingly.
--The Crafty Ladies Circle held its inaugral meeting at my place last night, + I've been smiling ever since. Smokey, Toni, Gin, Shady + I drank tea, ate Smokey's divine choc-chip cookies, + embarked on all manner of conversations + creative endeavours. It felt like a lovely success. I was struck by the fact that I've been wanting to do this since coming to the Gong more than two years ago... when no moment was more right than last night. In fact, two years ago I didn't know any of the aforementioned ladies. So it may have been a very lonely gathering! Thank you, thank you, thank you to friends new + old. What would life be without you? Absolutely nuthin... huh... say it again.
--And speaking of friends... I got two atomic comments this week. So exciting! Well, actually one was exciting + one was Sarah being a hooplehead. Thanks so much for stopping in to say hello Griff. Lovely to connect + hear some news. I'm still listening to your Ping Pong mix tape and lovin it.
And now for soup. Home James...
29 August 2006
ME: I am now officially smitten with that boy, who has not displayed any interest in me whatsoever. Is there any logic to the fact that the ones I like don't like me, whilst the ones I don't like stalk me?
MR T: Yes, there is pure logic to that. The law of contradiction, the law of opposites, law of gravity, newton's law, murphy's law... aight... starting to dry up...
28 August 2006
small wooden toy
15 pieces that i can see
secured with fine elastic
wobbly on your base
so old now
(i can't remember a time when i haven't had you)
still loyal, obedient
willing to play dead
at the press of a button
so old that you are blind
the tiniest of black paint traces
where your eyes once were
still keen of hearing though
your ears the first part to move
regardless of where i push
i push as slowly as i can - from the centre
your ears droop slightly, then tail, then legs
falling backwards in play pose
i push as slowly as i can - from the front
your ears drop to either side
once erect, now framing your face
like curious question marks
i push as slowly as i can - from the back
your ears twitch, remain upright
your tail the one to drop this time
an infinite range
of possible movements
but i am gentle
afraid for your fine elastic
so old now
but stilll loyal
27 August 2006
--homemade lasagne with spinachy goodness. Made for tea with a friend on Wednesday and eaten with predictable regularity since. Ah... the joys of cooking for one!
--two delicious, splurge-worthy bananas
--another splurge (surprise surprise) cocolo premium organic fairtrade dark chocolate
--too much beer... again
--me gorgeous mates Holley + Sal, who accompanied me on a top night out at Darren Hanlon + Youth Group. No-one told me Dazz is CUTE! And there was another cutie too. Yes, Gemini came along on a non-date. I am still smitten, but pretty convinced that he is not. (Of course I'm flabbergasted that anyone could resist my drunken charms, especially when surrounded by gorgeous 20-year-olds clothed in very little!) Regardless of whether he likes me that way or not, he slotted straight in with the gang + seemed to have loads of fun. I was impressed + so was Sal, who leant her support with several whispers of "I like G". I love those guys.
--seven pelicans, flying in formation on my walk to work on Wednesday. Call me weird, but I feel like I've lucked out when I see a bunch of pelicans up in the air. They're so huge + unweildy on the ground, + so magnificent when surfing the currents + slip-streams. And seven in one flock. Bonus!
--winning the uni trivia comp... wey hey! Go the librarian brains trust. I contributed one answer + that was the name of Peter Falconio's accused murderer. I had instant recall of this fact, singling me out as the kind of voyeuristic freak who knows about outback psycho killers. Me, who wouldn't even dream of watching 'Wolf Creek'.
--spring sunshine. Nuff said.
--my Mogwai back catalogue... 39 epics in one lazy Saturday... don't ask about my mood. It has been a lo fi and slightly black weekend.
--Thom Yorke, 'Eraser' - see mood notes above.
--Gillian Welch, 'Soul Journey' - see frontier notes below.
--ON THE WISLIST: there is a new Yo La Tengo album out + it is supposed to be pure joy. Yet to sample it though. I'm still coveting the less-new Goldfrapp, + that remains on the top of the list.
--my lasagne friend brought round 'The Station Agent', which I loved just as much the second time round. I'd forgotten what a beautiful, tender film it is. And I am still in love with Joe. (So what if I hand my love out willy-nilly? I'm a lover not a fighter!)
--Mat + Sarah lent me Season One of 'Deadwood', insisting I'd be immediately hooked. Normally I insist on doing the opposite of whatever they tell me, but in this case they were right. The proof is in the fact that I worked my way through twelve c**ksucking episodes in seven c**ksucking days. It was almost a relief to get that vulgarity over + done with. Almost... because I'm already wondering how I can get hold of Season Two. Gillian Welch helped round out the frontier mood here at C**ksucking Camp Claire.
PS: I don't actually know what a slip-stream is. Just thought it sounded impressive when used in the context of pelicans.