meme me, part two

After Tones' very sensible suggestion I've taken a couple of bodgy photos of my "10 years ago" comic. Not the best but they'll do. There's a heart-on-sleeve warning with this one. May contain traces of emotion, confession, sex, drugs + rock n roll. I was 22. It was an eventful year. C'mon. Gimme a break.

this week i ave mostly been...

I thought a return to an old format of mine was well warranted. After all, I've gotta find some way of managing this post-a-day malarky + I haven't come up with anything interesting yet! (I may brainstorm new options next week - or steal some? - but for now you'll have to put up with same old same old.) So a summary of my week. I've mostly been...

...smiling at
--last days with Weeze: exploring my new hood; unearthing a Cue dress that fit her perfectly + cost 15 bucks; nearly breaking my ass on my first bike ride in 500 years; taking a walk down Busselton jetty accompanied by three dolphins; watching Thelma + Louise + celebrating our very own roadtrip; waiting for the bus with the Bunbury bogans; waving goodbye :(
--all the things that have arrested my loneliness in its tracks: loads of lovely emails + at least one phonecall every night. THANK YOU!
--my new shadow: Jack. It's nice to have some canine company again. Even if she is ancient, stinky, arthritic company.
--fire: girl make fiiyaaah... arrrr. Getting a bit primal there, sorry. I can now get the pot-belly cranking in approximately five minutes. It makes me happy. There you have it.
--rain: I didn't realise it could rain this much without the whole world being washed away. But I am friends with the rain. I will not be defeated.
--1998: having the time + space to reflect on it.

...eating
--whatever I can be bothered cooking.
--porridge, oh how I love porridge, which is a tad bizarre seeing I never did before this winter.
--a big pot of home-baked chilli, with fiery reds + herbs fresh from the garden.
--an appley strudelly thing, on Gin's suggestion that a bit of baking would make me feel right at home. It worked AND I got to eat strudelly thing. Thanks Gin!

...listening to

--NOT my stupid frickin new iPod, which died approximately six hours into our trip + has been returned after much whining + wrangling + yelling.

--many amazing compilation cds. Thank goodness we had back up! And it was brilliant, thanks guys! Next step is a radio station... + then we take over the world!

--Kate Bush's 'Hounds Of Love'. Genius. I had no idea. Thanks Nico!

--Hot Chip's 'Made In The Dark'. One of my Library Farewell Stash. Electropop magnificence for anyone who's into that kind of thing.

...watching

--waves

--fire

--rain

--the bunnies playing on the back lawn. (Yes, I know they're feral but they're still cute.)

...reading

--'All The Pretty Horses' by Cormac McCarthy

--'Names For Nothingness' by Georgia Blain

--'She Played Elvis', soon-to-be-published memoir of my pal Shady Cosgrove. Congratulations Shady! Sooooo exciting!

Okay. That's me. Bed time.

PS: I just put that emoticon in there to shit you Weeze!

meme me, part one

Ahhh... I have had such a lovely, lazy, luxurious day. I've been trying to get back into a reasonably early routine (read: 8am instead of 10am) but also trying to make friends with the almost-constant-rain in this part of the world. The rain told me to sleep in, so I did. That's my story + I'm sticking to it!

The day began with hot coffee, yummy porridge with banana + birdseed, + a "quick" email check. So many gorgeous friends have been writing to me + I feel incredibly spoilt. (Also a tad guilty - I'm not responding at nearly the rate I need to in order to keep up!) One such friend was Lady Adi, telling me that I'd been memed...

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Back to basics comic meme
Draw a ten panel comic about what you were doing ten years ago. Put pen straight to paper - no pencil, no computer, no planning, no starting again if you make a mistake. Simply draw, scan, publish. Tag some people who you'd like to see do the meme too. Oh and if you want to do it even if you haven't been tagged you are most welcome!
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How exciting! Interactive blogging! I haven't done anything interactive since my few forays into Illustration Friday. And that was a loooong time ago. I love this idea of reflecting on the past + creating a comic out of it. (Adi's take is brilliant of course. She's such a natural illustrator + has been drawing for as long as I remember. That's a lot of drawing given that we've known each other since preschool!) At first it was a struggle to even think of what I was doing ten years ago. But walking does wonders for the old brainspace + by the time I'd paced the beach for an hour (in momentary sunshine) I was bursting my seams with memories, ideas, enthusiasm. Holy moley it's good to have this time!

My week so far has been devoted to creative play (+ lazing, let's be honest) + I've been messing about with a couple of old projects while I get back in the groove. This one fits the bill perfectly! I was absorbed for hours. It brought up all sorts of stuff - happy, sad, confused, confusing - + then gave me something constructive to do with it. Brilliant!

The drawback? I don't have a scanner, I don't travel with a scanner, there is no scanner at the shack. So you can't see my meme. I'll email Adi next + ask if we can do an old-fashioned mail + scan job. Hopefully my meme will join the likes of Adi, Amber, Adam, Ord + Anthony sometime soonish. In the meantime I'd like to tag Nicole, Tones, Birdsworth, Kristy + anyone else who's interested. Come jump on the meme-wagon!

It might also be fun to drop me a quick comment + tell me something you were doing in 1998. Whaddaya reckon? Anyone out there? I don't bite!

shack graffiti

1. attend to the working surface
2. the work is more important than your thoughts about the work
3. stop when it's time to stop

back on the bus y'all

Okey dokes! I promised Weeze that it would be a post a day once she left, + really, there are no excuses. I'm unemployed + on my own. Allllllll by myseeeeelf... don't wanna be... Sorry, channelling Gin's recent karaoke show-stopper for a moment there! But it's true. Weeze headed home to Canberra yesterday + I am now on my own: a lonesome pine swaying in the breeze; a solo performer in the middle of a lonely stage; a single serve of jam waiting to be spread on a piece of toast. We had a rollicking roadtrip + hopefully I'll have time to flesh out a few more of the highlights at a later date. But for now it's a new adventure! Six weeks of housesitting at a beachside shack located between the Bus (as I'm calling Busselton) + the Boro (as I'm calling Dunsborough).

The shack belongs to longtime family friends, Libby + Martin. It's the maddest junk shop of a home: stuff spilling off every available surface; a broken-down hodge-podge of furniture; scarred lino covered in drifts of dust/sand/fur; doors graffitied by legions of kids + friends + hangers-on; a lifetime of beach holidays rolled into a handful of small rooms. The house has had the same absolute open-door policy for as long as I can remember - all comers welcomed from the heart. I could probably move in for six months without a second glance from L+M. The house reflects them pretty acurately I think. Chaotic but incredibly warm.

Those of you who know my Neat Freak side won't be surprised to hear that the shack thrills + terrifies me in equal measure. My major challenge for the next six weeks will be NOT to don mop + gloves + scrub it from top to bottom. But I've already given the kitchen a good going over... so that's not looking likely. The going-over revealed that 95% of the food L+M generously suggested I help myself to was either growing ten types of mould (fridge) or best eaten sometime last decade (cupboard).

Of course there's lots more to be thrilled about: comfy bed, cranking wood stove + diverse book collection. Lovely companions Jack (ancient cattle dog) + Leon (enormous ginger cat). A stroll through the backyard + over the bike path + onto the beach. What a thing to gaze at while I'm washing the dishes! And, more than anything, time + space for my creative self, for recuperation + reinvigoration + a wee bit of heart-mending. On that note I'm ready to slip into that comfy bed + off to sleep, lulled by the sounds of storms + waves + a crackling fire. How bloody lucky am I!?

sunday self portrait

for weeze

takin that ride to nowhere

Phew! It's been a massive couple of weeks. I've got so much to say but also a minor block to deal with after so much time without writing. Blog Block... sounds painful +/or messy! Wish me luck with the unblocking. I've got me plunger out!

Weeze + I hit the road last Saturday + are into Day Four of our Outrageous Outback Odyssey. My mind's eye had us driving comfortable distances with long hair streaming in the wind + a hip soundtrack belting out in the background. Each evening - at a glamorous hotel with firm-but-not-fat pillows - I hammer out a witty update before we stroll to a stunning-but-surprisingly-affordable restaurant for a spot of tea. Of course reality is slightly different. After fanging it down the Road To Nowhere for six or so hours, the last thing I've felt capable of is witty updates. A couple of glasses of vino, a flick through cable tv + an early night have been waaaaay more appealing. But hey, don't get me wrong, I'm not whinging. I'm unemployed, I'm discovering new places, the world is my oyster. In fact we've just entered Oyster Country!

Tonight finds us in Port Augusta, enjoying the spacious comfort of the Poinsettia Motor Inn. It's spacious because the only option left was a family room encompassing two wings + five beds. The proprietor suggested we might like to bring a couple of fellas home. No, I am not joking. The guidebook tell us that this industrial town is known by South Australians as 'Port-a-Gutter'. The sign on the back of our door tells us that we should use the security chain at all times. Call me a wuss, but trawling the streets for fellas seems a tad unwise given the little we know about the place.

There have been some risks taken so far, let me assure you. Crazy new car-dancing moves, loud car-singing, impromptu waves to passing motorists, a tiny bit of fruit smuggling. We've even considered writing "Weeze + Claire woz ere" in some outback dunnies. There's plenty of scope for crazy behaviour out here in the wild unknown. Let me tell you.

Okay... so... highlights thus far...

--the place names: Widgewa, Curlwaa, Gumly Gumly, Gol Gol, Goolgowi, Oodlawirra, Orraroo.

--the expansive landscapes + huge skies: everything feels enormous + somehow like we're at the very end of the earth, although clearly we're not... yet. I can only imagine how it might feel when we hit the Head of the Bight.

--the differences in the land as we motor across it: dry rolling alpine country around Yass + Wagga; lush farming land surrounding Griffith; the flat flat flat of the Hay Plain; red dirt making its dramatic entrance before we hit Broken Hill; a sense of real live desert beyond the silver city; + finally unxpected green + actual hills (not just occasional hillocks) as we moved back towards the coast. The variations seem infinite!

--the wildlife: plenty of it dead on the side of the road as we'd expected, but also the live stuff - an enormous range of birds, hundreds of feral goats, occasional kangaroos + emus.

--the tumbleweeds: they tumble, they gather in families in the middle of paddocks, they find themselves choralled into fences or sitting in strange (juxta)positions in fields of green vegies, they rock. I wanted to hug one until I discovered that they're highly prickly. I also wanted to take one with us as a mascot but I had to be happy with a couple of photos.

--the soundtrack: it IS hip + we HAVE been belting it out. We have wonderful friends with amazing taste in music, it must be said.

--the company: silly jokes, dance routines, good coffee, bad coffee, great conversation, shared driving, fun fun fun.

Okay... I'm even boring myself with my endless lists. I'll attempt to get some photos up on my Flickr site tonight so there's a pictorial version instead. Tomorrow we head into the Serious Desert - Ceduna + then onto the Nullabor. No such thing as internet out there my friends. So I'll be seeing you on the other side.

Hugs to everyone who finds time for a read + even those who don't!

xxx

for weeze

for weeze

for weeze

little miss basketcase

I’m having a basketcase day. Not in any overblown kinda way. The melodrama ratio is not as high as it could be. The histrionics quotient is under control. I’m not shouting or cursing or crying. But I do feel severely wobbly round the edges + like the drama could kick in if it wanted to.

There are so many emotions swirling round my little brain. I can’t keep track of which ones are important + which are merely distracting me with BS. I’m feeling left out… the Crafties are planning to craft without me (as I encouraged them to); Holl + Ethan are looking for a new flattie (as they need to); Sarah didn’t send me an invitation to her movie night (because she knows I won’t be here). Then I’m craving solitude + some serious downtime. All of a sudden I’m lonely. Or I’m questioning my decisions. Or I’m feeling like throwing a tanty. Boo bloody hoo.

At the bottom of it all is fear, + fear comes with any major change. The desire for things to stay the same locking horns with the desire for new adventures. I want both but of course that’s not possible. A static state isn’t even possible. I could shut myself down in the same position forever + things would simply change around me. Sometimes I can accept that. Sometimes I’m shitscared by it. Fear is a natural by-product, as is excitement, + I have to roll with that. I’ve set the wheels in motion + now I have to let them roll me where they will.

Suddenly the wheels are in motion
And I, I'm ready to sail any ocean
Suddenly I don't need the answers
Cos I I'm ready to take all my chances with you

Who? You? Yes, me. It’s sometimes scary to take my chances with me… but it’s exciting at the same time. And I’m all I’ve got.

[How bloody psychic is Smokey? She sent me the lovely lyrics featured above just as I was writing this. “Song in head today is 'Suddenly' from Xanadu. Apparently Olivia NJ sang this with Cliff Richard.” Thanks mate.]

I’m going to have my basketcase day. I may even go home, skip trivia, grouch around, cry over a hot bath + a glass of red. I may feel slightly shite all week. That’s okay. It happens + it will pass.

for weeze

for weeze

when we go to melbourne
we can host opulent dinner parties for new + old friends

powerful owls

The very talented Miss Birdsworth made this last week to cheer me up. It worked! It's a very special portrait of me, Lizzie + Nicole finding our inner powerful owls at Tumba in February. (No luck with the real thing but there will be more torchlight walks + conversations with brumbies next year I'm sure!)

Thanks Elizabeth - you're a sweetheart!

for weeze

it's in the songs

Phew! I've survived a rocky weekend. Don't get me wrong... Chess was a blast, the Hope Street Markets were inspiring, I loved lunch at Two Good Eggs, King Street was fun, + the company was top-notch. (Thank you everyone.) But I was mildly messy due to ongoing panic over my move + two insomniac nights. Yesterday I hit a wall, picked a fight, had a cry, lost it somewhat. I was pulled back from the brink by The Dude, Holley's burritos + some (more) chocolate. It felt awfully close for a second there though.

I've noticed that lots of peeps have been feeling awfully close... or at the very least mildly messy. I think it's just one of those patches where we have to hold, seek out all available opportunities for hugs, + keep muttering this too will pass to ourselves. Cos of course it will pass!

This morning the radio kept speaking to me as I pondered my approach to this fresh new week.

First the slap...
I don't know why (she's always complaining)
A roll of the dice (she's always complaining)
A twist of the knife (she's always complaining)
Trouble + strife (she's always complaining)
What can I say (she's always complaining)
(The Skybombers)

Then the sympathy...
I guess I'll let it slide by
I wanna take it slowly honey
I'm feeling like a fake
Every move I make
And I don't know why
The world is feeling
Like it's passing me by
I'm fixing to lose it
And I don't know why
(Ben Kweller)

And finally the encouragement...
Sometimes when we fall
We just land in the right place
Cos we're magnetic
And we land in the right place
(Faker)

Bring on that Right Place! I'm ready!

what do i do when lightening strikes me?

Elton had it all wrong when he said that "sorry" seems to be the hardest word. (We've all seen the monumentally positive power of sorry in recent months, after all.) Goodbye is waaaaaay harder. There are good goodbyes + bad goodbyes but, for old softy Claire here, there are rarely easy goodbyes. Predictably - given that there's only four weeks now til my move - my goodbye moments are starting to hit a little harder + faster. I'm feeling it, dammit.

The first big one kicked in the day that I resigned. Carolyn got teary over a celebratory drink that afternoon + of course that set me off. She has since been banned from displaying emotion until at least the farewell party.

I had a weird goodbye moment when I went arse-over-teakettle on the back step + did aforementioned damage to back bottom left rib. The fact that I had just quit my job hit me acutely as I lay winded in the rain, contemplating severe spinal damage. Funny that. The fact that I am about to quit the best ever sharehouse hit me acutely when Holley, Sal + Ethan turned up at the hospital a couple of hours later with love in their hearts + chocolate in their hands . See... good and bad.

Last week I sifted through a large grab-bag of personal emails + plunged head-long into goodbye moments. The weird thing about some of those goodbyes was that they had nothing to do with my move. Relationships change + shift regardless of whether I stay or go (now). I have a strong tendency to hold on but not everyone lets me. There will always be the Ev's of this world who refuse to be held. As my ma says - in one of her very rare pieces of wisdom - there are friends for a reason, friends for a season + friends for life. Last week I farewelled some of those seasonal friends + shed a tear for good times past. It was hard not to when stumbling across the sparkling email repartee of Bez + Mr T. Example: the 5-day a week centrifuge is spinning out of control. today, a mere day, is just one little spokey dokey clinking with joy. Ah Thorny, how I loved you + how I release you!

On the weekend I started packing in earnest. I needed to get some momentum up in order to feel like I'm on top of things, but momentum is a double-edged sword. With it comes the acceleration of change - good and bad. Monsieur Change does not discriminate between the two. I packed up my books - good. I swaddled my pretty glassware - good. I pulled all the posters down off the walls - bad. I stumbled across a box of love letters from he-who-shall-not-be-named - very bad.

I don't know what the moral of this story is... + my small handful of loyal readers know that I do usually lean towards a moral. I guess it's just that dems da breaks. Life is full of the good + the bad, the lightening strikes + the snuffed out candles, the goodbyes + the au revoirs. And there's nothing we can do to change that... regardless of whether we stay or go (now).

for weeze

for weeze