Hello my lovely little handful of loyal readers. I'm back + hopefully this time it's for good. Such an enormous couple of weeks/months/years. In the last five days I've travelled across three states + several thousand kilometres. And now here I am... IN MELBOURNE. On the verge of overwhelm. Riding a wave somewhere between terror + excitement, + seemingly nowhere near the shores of sanity.
Another horrible insomnia run, coinciding with the travelling of vast distances, hasn't helped matters much. I've just seen the back of Night Five. My nocturnal brain churned out a few (dozen) doozies before finally agreeing to pop a chill-pill + fade into oblivion. Four + a half hours shut-eye on my cousin Ren's air mattress. My best sleep all week. I now feel calm, collected + semi-sane. I'm looking back over last night's assortment of thoughts, wondering if they have merit or are merely the rantings of the sleep-deprived. I think I can pluck a few moments of sense from out the dross...
--FEAR FACTOR #1: the Big Smoke. Melbourne is a city, in the same way that Sydney is a city. What makes it scary is that I don't know it yet. This will change fairly rapidly. If I can live in London + Sydney, I can live in Melbourne.
--FEAR FACTOR #2: the unknown. This is one of those points in time where the unknown is the default setting. There's no avoiding that. In fact it would be counter-productive to have any set idea of what comes next. I'm open to it. I'm ready + willing + able. So lay your cards on the table.
--FEAR FACTOR #3: loneliness. Toughen up princess! I know a few people here. I know lots of people elsewhere. There's a friendly voice as close as the phone + someone I can call on for a cuppa. That means there's very little to whinge about.
--FEAR FACTOR #4: cash. If it runs out it runs out. There's always the dole + my mum's couch. I'm not going to end up in a cardboard box. And if I purchase a few less snacks + fripperies I could maybe even stretch my cash further.
Countering the fears are always the glimmers of hope. There's one key glimmer... writing, creating, making, putting the inside out. It keeps the smart beans ticking along in my brain + the black dog in her hidey hole. That's why I kicked off this forum for sub-atomic musings + that's why you can expect to see more of me from now on. Promise.
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7 comments:
i'm sure you have more than a handful of listeners!
and i've also been on the insomnia bandwagon over the last week, so i feel your pain. Maybe we can have two am backgammon championships or something like that.
xx
Thanks love. Always strangely comforting to know that someone else is suffering by my side! What's on your mind?
Talk tonight. Love you x
Hey there
must be the time for non sleep as I have just spent the last week getting not too much myself... So I can relate to the part insane bit. Your entry requires a a proper email so will write you shortly. Till then big hugs!
You'll kick Melbs's ass I just know it!
BW xo
Thanks Birdsworth. Words of encouragement definitely appreciated right now!
Did you get your last assignment in? Free (kinda) for the summer? Send me an update when you have a minute to spare.
are you by any chance sampling too many cups of Melbourne's finest??
Im glad you got there honey -- and it will all seem less daunting really soon! As a wise person already said -- you're gonna kick melbourne's arse!
xx
boo ya!
Kristy - you're gorgeous + I know you understand the too-many-cups scenario. Thank you.
Hyland - wot chu on about?
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