magic numbers

I've been feeling selfish lately, for a couple of reasons which I might explore at another time. I hate feeling like an insular navel-gazer but, as I've said previously, this forum is one for navel-gazing + I think that should be accepted + embraced on some level. Self-involvement seems a paramount pre-requisite of blogging. And I don't think that's all bad. It's good to have a space in which to explore my thoughts, feelings + experiences, + to forge an ongoing connection to myself. Lord knows that there are not enough of those spaces in contemporary life. So how do I make a distinction between self-knowledge or self-reflection + selfishness? I keep coming back to a favourite Anne Morrow Lindbergh quote: I believe that true identity is found... by going into one’s own ground and knowing oneself. A lovely (if slightly 70's) reading, given to me by Annalise, has also been feeding my thinking...

… the number seven was regarded as a magic number in the Hopi mythology, because it represented the seven primary directions, or places, in the Hopi’s world: the north, the south, the east, the west, up into the sky, down into the earth and the place where he stands. It seems that the Hopi understood in the magic seven the paradox that in order to know the universe outside of himself, a man must first know himself, and experience existence in his own body, the house of his spirit, the centre of his consciousness. Without the seventh place, the other six directions have no meaning. The Hopi might look for the north star in order to determine what place he was in, but he must be aware of himself before he can find the north star. The seven becomes a circle always coming back to itself, or infinity, in the sense of endlessly recurring self-awareness. For even as you say “the north, the south, the east, the west, the sky, the earth and where I stand, “ and visualize each place as you say it, you realize that the six directions all flow back to where you stand, yet the very existence of those directions is predicated on your being there in the centre of awareness from the beginning. The seven not only follows the six, but also precedes the one.
… Even as I write these words, I understand how difficult it will be for someone to read them and understand what they really mean… One of the most powerful yet simple images to express what it means to find your centre is this: As a tree grows taller with wider reaching branches it will always grow a thicker trunk and deeper roots. The tree “knows” what to do for stability. Man’s mind, on the other hand, can invent possibilities that are not necessarily good for his body. He may try to reach away from himself without, at the same time, growing deep roots. If we are to learn from nature, as undoubtedly the Hopi did, we must know where it is we are standing at the same time we search for the north star.

From 'Where I Stand' by Beverly Brown
5 Essays On The Dance Of Erick Hawkins, 1973

illustration friday: hide

Crappy quality image + too late to post to I.F... but I thought I'd put it up anyway!

how cool is that sarah chick?

I succumbed to a whinge today. Sarah was the unlucky victim of a rant about jinxing the thing with Melbourne-boy (he hasn't called), feeling like a single-freak in couple-world, + generally being miserable. She came back with pretty much the perfect response. So much so that I have to share...

being single does suck - does he like me? will anybody ever like me? blah blah blah. but it did not suck so much that i ever wanted to top myself.

i had many crushes on lots of inappropriate guys (who never liked me back, or if they did, never let on) and lots of inappropriate one night stands. i guess the main thing is that it teaches you that you can survive without that significant other and sometimes it aint all bad.

you can watch what you want without someone telling you that oprah is crap, you can leave the party when you want to, you can eat chocolate for breakfast if you like, you can cry at a movie without feeling like a pussy, you can lift heavy boxes without someone there to tell you they are too heavy for them... but most of all i think when you do get back into a good relationship, you recognise what is actually good about it, you are happy to spend your time with the other and there is no "we're so independant, we don't need to be together but we are" blah blah blah, bullshit bullshit.

for me, when mat is not around life is just a little bit more boring but i would not know that except for the fact that i did many many many many years of having to amuse myself (and plenty of staring at the clouds hoping a magical man would burst through and he would look like david bowie in labyrinth.....but that's another story).

i jinxed heaps of things with heaps of boys and felt like a downright nerd a lot of the time (and i mean a LOT of the time).

it's all part of the joy.

s x x

Thanks mate - friends are the bomb.

motormouth

A very sleepy Monday lunchtime. Dreary drizzly conditions warranting leftover noodles in front of the computer + a quick bash at the blog. I haven’t written much recently cos I’ve been a bit flat, + I hate moaning on about it when I’m in the pancake zone. It gives the impression that my entire existence is a misery, when that’s so not the case. My life is an enormous joy, interspersed with moments of feeling sorry for meself. I don’t want to give those moments the weight of documentation. I want to focus on the good + meaningful. But hey, I’m still simply dribbling on about myself, + what makes one state more valuable than another. Here's the catch-up.

I’ve been smiling at…
My complete lack of resolve… not that it should come as a surprise to anyone. Let's do the new year's run through now that we're two months in:

--karaoke + beer appreciation have not yet been attempted. Actually, beer has been appreciated on a regular basis. But not with any actual theory behind it.
--dvd fines are still playing havoc with my pocket money.
--dancing rocks – + I have definitely been fitting some in – but not nearly as much as I’d hoped. And the classes are a disaster. Who’s stoopid idea was it to commit to extra-curriculars on a Saturday!?! I’m never around to go to class. That’s not going to change anytime soon.
--boys… well… embarrassing failure on that front. The whole no-boys-thang lasted for nearly six weeks, at which point I met + fell for a “consummate bachelor” (according to his cousin) who lives in Melbourne + is obsessed with old cars + pranks. Practical on oh-so-many levels. And I am worrying about boys, in spite of all my best intentions.

No one seems in any way alarmed at my lack of self-discipline on the no-boys-thang. In fact Bez’s response, when I started to tell her about it, was (verbatim) yes claire, i accept that you are going to melbourne to sleep with some guy you haven't physically met yet. (is this right?) + this seems normal to me. if you'd met him through friends or at a party (for example) i'd be concerned. Well, as I said to Bez, bring on the concern, because my reputation as a shallow slut has obviously been upset by this one. I met Melbourne-boy at a wedding (i.e. through friends and at a party). And he's Emma’s cousin, so there's a real-life, flesh and blood link to people I actually know. Ha!

As another resolutionary aside… I did grow my pit hair for two months. It felt satisfying, it felt raw, it felt real, I was living to please myself, then I met a boy + shaved it all off again. WHAT IS WITH THAT!? Said boy experienced me with hairy pits + had no complaints, so it’s not as if it was coming from him. I just wanted to feel feminine (said in whingiest of whingey-girl tones). Even though I am very firm on the point that hairlessness does not equal feminineness. WHAT IS WITH THAT!? Embarrassingly (yes, I sometimes read All Men Are Liars), I found some food for thought on this exact same topic.

I’ve been listening to…
Two fabulous recommendations from Nicole – ‘Deep Cuts’ by The Knife + 'Arular' by M.I.A. Both brilliant driving albums that have been on high-rotation for several weeks now. The obsession will pass… maybe. Saw Sarah Blasko in concert at the Heritage the other week + she was as sublime as usual. Holley’s description of her as a porcelain doll crossed with a robot was spot-on. I think she even won Ethan over. Top stuff!

I’ve been watching…
Way more than usual, given that I’m making something to include in Gin’s show. (Opening next week… aargh… deadline!) How does creativity equate to telly-watching? Weird I know, but when I’m stitching there is nothing better than a juicy series to multi-task over. I’ve even ramped it up a level to watch Love My Way + Six Feet Under simultaneously. So so good.

Speaking of stitching... lunchtime has moved into hometime + I better get back to it!